Saturday, April 04, 2009

Proper Liturgy for Opening Day 2009

Dear Baseball Fans:

The Baseball Fan observes with great devotion the days of the Baseball Season, and it became the custom to prepare for Opening Day by a season of reflection and prediction.  This season provided a time for converts and seasoned Fans alike to share with each other their allegiances and analyses so that conversations, whether appointed or joyously unexpected, could begin with mutual understanding and awareness.

I invite you, therefore, in the name of the Game we love, to the observance of a truly great Season by self-examination and objectivity; by reflection, contemplation, and self-awareness; by differentiation from past rivalries and present and obligatory pay-backs; and by reading and studying The Sporting News' Baseball Annual, the sports pages, baseball blogs, and websites, and, perhaps, conversing (at arm's length) with baseball handicappers of renown (one of whom in The Great Gatsby sports cuff-links made of human molars).

And, to make a right beginning to the Season, let us now kneel in silence to determine the results of our studies and our hopes for the Teams, and to set forth those results below:

Andrew's 2009 Baseball Season Predictions*
Winners of Divisions and Wild Cards, League Champions, and World's Champion

AL East: Boston Red Sox
AL Central: Minnesota Twins
AL West: Los Angeles Angels (of Anaheim)
AL Wild Card: New York Yankees
AL Champion: Boston Red Sox

NL East: New York Mets
NL Central: Chicago Cubs
NL West: Los Angeles Dodgers
NL Wild Card: Philadelphia Phillies
NL Champion: New York Mets

World's Champion: Boston Red Sox

Play Ball!

The text of the liturgy (above the predictions) comes courtesy of the Custodian of the Book of Baseball Prayer, The Ven. "Dusty" Stringfellow.

* = "A good therapist always reserves the right to be wrong." -- Virginia Satir

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